Sooo…what does Jade get up to when she’s left alone in the office? Well, I have this very picture of SpongeBob SquarePants jellyfishing in Jellyfish Fields on my wall. He sits nicely above an old photo of British India (the first arty photo the boys have ever let their publicist inflict on them back in the Guillotine days) and below a ferret drinking beer. Usually when I’m left alone for more than 15 minutes I will start talking to him.
Conversations usually go something like this:
Me: Hi SpongeBob, alone at last.
SB: JADE! We meet again! Dahahahahaha.
Me: I like hearing you laugh.
SB: Laughing’s fun.
Me: I like fun.
SB: Me too!
Me: I’m hungry.
SB: Me too! Let’s go to Krusty Krab. Want a Krabby Patty? I can’t give you one for free but I can sell it to you!
Me: Aw, I wish. I can’t leave the office. Stav needs me to put his defrosting chicken in the fridge in a half hour. If I leave his family will have chicken for dinner tonight with a side of food poisoning.
SB: Ooooh, what does food poisoning taste like?
Me: A lot like vomit and diarrhea.
SB: Eeeeeewwwww!! Well, that doesn’t sound very nice.
Me: That’s because it isn’t.
SB: Dahahahahaha!
Me: Hold on, office phone’s ringing. I better answer it.
SB: Okay, bye Jade! Bye bye, now, bye bye! Bye bye, now!
